I was headed towards what might become my home group if only I can get my shit together enough to attend regularly!
The Venue: Community hall. A bit of Afrikaans but mostly English. Less than 20 souls in all. Supplied: so-so coffee! Grim, cheap, plastic milk but bearable.
The topic: Keeping it simple. I must be reaping some hardcore karma because it’s been one helluva sum-ov-a-beeyatch week. A friend says I’m way too sensitive and take every thing said way too personally. Maybe so but I think a lot of recovering addicts and alcoholics can relate.
I felt too toxic to be up close and personal during the shares so I hovered just outside the entrance door, where the smokers congegate when released from all the formal talk. The main speaker, less than a year in recovery, spoke at length about the age-old adage: KISS. In other words, Keep It Simple Stupid.
Earlier today, I was talking with a bunch of AA friends over restaurant coffee. Mmm, sure tasted great! I was genuinely having a great time laughing out loud, and making people laugh, over strong coffee. I felt a really great connection with people I hadn’t spoken with before… safe… comfortable.
Then suddenly in mid-conversation about a recent Sex Expo in our city, a bright-eyed newcomer asked me, “Is this conversation appropriate for us to be having?” Well, knock me over sideways! It was a real OMG moment and the newby admitted: “Wow! Was that just a boundary right there?”
I felt awkward and extremely self-conscious. Afterwards, as our group said their goodbyes, the same newcomer said it was all good and she’s just dealing with boundary stuff. But still I wondered, am I really that shallow kind of asshole? Am I “that guy”?
It took a day for me to try and process my own stuff after that. At the end of the meeting, where I sat hovering in the shadows of the door, I was probably just about ready for another meeting! 90M